OMG.......right as a Muslim I don't celebrate Xmas but as my brother and I were watching all the Xmas stuff on tv we got into a discussion on turkeys and so it was decided that we should do one on the 25th cos really what else are we gonna do when the western hemisphere stops for a day? Anyway we became I and off I went a bought my frozen turkey.
Now I've roasted a chicken so in principle I know what I'm doing but you know things can never be that easy can they? Ohhhhh no, Nigella bloody Lawson doesn't have these problems.
I really shouldn't grumble I mean yesterday I got the soup done and a tray bake - even if my star design turned out looking like a Union Jack! But I had the turkey sitting defrosting all day yesterday on the kitchen counter, it had been in the fridge before that for 12 hours. Now when I went to bed at one this morning I looked at the turkey then looked at my cat and decided to err on the side of caution and put it back in the fridge.
I got up this morning at seven thinking I'd prepare it, shove it a preheated oven and then forget about it for several hours a get some more sleep, well that was until I took it out the fridge and found it was frozen from the butt up! Or maybe back up as it's lying down? Anyway I had a moment where I thought what the hell do I do now! When I decided I would boil the thing just like Dad does and I'm sure I've seen Nigella do it too!
So luckily I remembered the giblets so I went about trying to get into the chest cavity, did you know they stick the turkeys legs through the skin of it bum? Well I didn't I spent a couple of minutes turning the thing around trying to figure out what the hell looked so wrong, add to that the partially frozen status and well I was just flummoxed. I figured it out and fought with the bloody thing and when I finally got it's legs apart I was faced with it's neck sticking out, I will admit that I wondered why they would shove it's neck back in on itself so that it was sticking out its bum but I later realised it was detachable! The giblets were in a plastic bag frozen to the spine of the turkey, damn! So there I was defrosting the inside of a turkey trying to massage the plastic bag out without spilling it contents, didn't work the bag burst and out came the turkey lungs, :@. I continued and managed to get the rest of the bag out and then got one hell of a fright when the neck came away in my hands!
By this point I had a pot of water on the boil, thank God for ridiculously large saucepans left behind by my Mother! So I but the legs back through their hole and am now boiling the retched thing with some garlic, salt and onion. I thought I could go back to bed for an hour, but no sooner had I got all cozy then the fecking fire alarm went off!
So now I'm sitting on the kitchen floor blogging my morning, while my three brothers sleep on oblivious of their darling sisters trials, I'd whine to Mum but she will only just be finishing work so you guys will have to listen instead!
Bloody Nigella bloody Lawson doesn't have to deal with this I bet, she's not the only busty brunette who loves to cook and eat but by gosh we're worlds apart! (sigh)
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